Finally Friday

Yesterday I went into the office after being out almost 2 weeks. Thank goodness it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Today I look forward to hanging around the house and catching up on some things. Maybe getting in a little reading. My current book is Monkey Dancing: A Father, Two Kids, And A Journey To The Ends Of The Earth.

And We Go On

Thanks for your comments and emails. You are a great group. The visitation is tonight. One memorial service is tomorrow. Another one in Mom's hometown is next Saturday. I hate all that kinda stuff but it must be done.

People ask how I feel and with guilt I say "relieved". It has been a long, difficult and sad 12 months for Mom and Dad. Over the past year I've already grieved that I lost my mother. She was never the same emotionally and physically once she began her chemo and radiation treatments. There were so many times I felt she wasn't there though her body was. She was interacting with us but not the way she use to. The last weeks and last day were awful. She declined rapidly. Decisions had to be made about her care balancing out what was also best for my Dad. He was an awesome caregiver up until the end when she needed more help. I did not do nearly as much as he did but when I was helping them I felt guilty I was not around for my children and vice versa. It sounds bad but now I just want normalcy whatever that is in our family without Mom.

I love to put up pictures with my posts. Here is one off the condo balcony at Wrightsville Beach. Most of my pictures are of my family and I usually don't put those on my blog. They are on flickr if you have friended me there. As I said in my last post, we had to shorten our trip and change the location. It worked out fine.

My Mom

We got in a short trip to the beach. My husband doesn't like me to announce in advance all over the Internet we are leaving. We had planned to go to the beach for a week until Mom was moved into the hospice care facility. She appeared stable so I felt it was important for my husband, the kids and I to try to go on some sort of trip. We cut it down to 3 days and went Wrightsville Beach about 3 1/2 hours away rather than the Outer Banks being at least a 5 hour trip.
When I got home Saturday, Dad called and said I needed to come see Mom. I'm not going to post all the details but she passed away last night. My brother, his wife, Dad, Mom's brother and I were there. It has been a tough 12 months. She was diagnosed with lung cancer last July.
My message is: if you smoke please quit. If you have children, educate them to not smoke. Most lung cancer is not detected in the early stages. Mom had stage IV without any symptoms.
I appreciate all your kinds comments and emails over the course of the year. You are great!

Be Back Soon

Mom got moved in the hospice facility. I was running around 100 mph with nervous energy. Now I've crashed and totally drained. I'll be out of touch for a few days - more about that later. Be back soon.

A Week I Don't Want To Repeat

The title sums up this past week. My coworker quit and walked out the door. I'll refrain from making comments about her situation other than to say her departure coupled with others on vacation caused me to have to be in the office more. Since this happened so suddenly, I didn't have anything planned for my daughter. I felt guilty about her sitting around bored. Later in the week my father, brother, and our assigned hospice staff decided my mother needed to go to the hospice care facility. Her health has declined a lot in recent days. It is sad for her to leave her home of 43 years but it is for the best. She will be moving in a few days.
On a happier note, my friends took me out for a belated birthday dinner. It was fun. I've really been amazed how my friends have been there for me this past year.

Birthday Reflection

I had a birthday last week and no I'm not posting this to get belated birthday wishes from all those followers I have. Actually I got plenty of texts, messages on facebook and twitter. I felt the love.
Overall it was a nice day. I started out with a run/walk by one of the reservoirs - very beautiful in the morning. My son took me out to lunch. My husband and daughter took me out to dinner. In the back of my mind, I kept thinking it would be the last birthday I'd have my mom around and who is more connected to you on your birthday than your mother? I don't try to hold in such thoughts but on the other hand I do my best not to dwell on them. Therefore forgive me if I post a lot of my garden or running. They are activities I feel passionate about right now. When I'm depressed I usually feel nothing so being interested in something is very good. I enjoy seeing the progress whether it's my first grape tomato or the fact I ran longer without stopping than during the previous run.

Summer Harvest

The crops are coming in! Not really. This grape tomato is the first of the harvest.
It was grown in a container. The square foot garden has been somewhat of a disappointment. The tomatoes seem to be a little behind but do have green fruit and blossoms. I think they will produce okay. I still have the 1 green pepper growing. No real progress with the squash, cucumbers and okra. As I've said before I chalk it up to sunlight. On a cloudless day, the plot gets about 6 hours of morning sunshine - bordering on the minimum amount. We've had a lot of cloudy mornings. Next year I think I will put just tomatoes in the existing square foot garden and build another one or two in my front yard. Yes front yard. We have woods between our front yard and the street. We live in a small neighborhood out in the burbs. A garden plot in the front yard would fit in nicely.
For the topsy turvy tomato - it has been a disappointment. It blossomed and bore fruit early then nothing. Not much has changed since I took this picture late June. The same green tomatoes and it is not blossoming any longer.
I look at all this as a learning experience. It's all fun to me.

UPDATE: The largest topsy turvy tomato is beginning to ripen. No new blossoms :(

Shaping Up

Baby Got Back

I have started my running routine. It's a struggle though I'm not sure if it is any more difficult than the other times I've began again. The biggest obstacle for me is where to run. I live in a small neighborhood and running laps around it is boring. We do have some beautiful routes within minutes but I have to drive. It is a pain. If I'm still running later in the year, it will be easier. The weather will be cooler. I won't have to run early in the morning. I can manage it into my schedule a little better.

Bountiful Harvest

Confession - It's not mine. It was grown by 'Mater Man or at least that's what my husband calls him. A nearby farmer parks his pick-up at the end of his driveway loaded with all sorts of produce he's grown. The transactions are based on the honor system. On the tailgate he has a scale, a price list, and container for the money. 'Mater Man is one reason I love living out where we do.

Scenes from Saturday Night

Belated Happy Fourth of July!

Caught In the Web

Running Toward My Goals

My boss left the end of May for greener pastures. In the meantime, someone overseeing us on an interim basis has asked for each employee to list 3 goals. The goals can be personal or professional.
I did give this task some thought. One thing that came out of it was I wanted to start running again. (If you've followed my blog, I know I sound like a broken record.) I'm one of the slowest runners on the planet. It doesn't come easy to me. I'm sure watching me run is painful. It can be a love/hate thing but overall I like the challenge. I like the feeling of accomplishment. I remember how happy I felt the first time I ran 3.1 miles in preparation for a 5k race. It has been one of the best ways for me to keep in shape. When I think of the last 5 summers or so, I associate them with getting up early to run and running while on vacation at the beach.
As far as my running history, at this point I can't remember how many times I've started and stopped. Something always seems to happen causing me to stop. I'm starting back very easy. For me, I've found the Couch to 5k program the best. I've got the iPod version set to music. I do better with a goal in mind. There is a 5k in October I'm considering entering. I ran it back in 2005.